You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
