break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
