If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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