Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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