Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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