my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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