My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
