it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize