My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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