did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
