I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
These tits shall not be calmed
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
