Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
