names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
