I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Of course I have a pirate flag
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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