He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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