my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
