Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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