i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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