BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
