any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
