I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
