i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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