She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
