it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
