I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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