i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
