but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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