I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
