YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
