Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
