it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
