Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You were trust falling into bushes
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
