she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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