I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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