Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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