I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I woke up under a house in Key West
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