You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
