Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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