dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
