I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
