did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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