It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
