I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
