Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
