Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm too high and old for this...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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