Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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