But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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