if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
