I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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