toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
