Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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