when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
