Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
