I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize