All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
