i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
