then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
