Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
