Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
