while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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