hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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