Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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