walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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