Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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