no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize