Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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