Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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