you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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